What Are You Sowing In Your Garden?

Happy New Year! January 1, 2016. Sweet 16! This year we all have 366 days of blank pages to write our new stories. So on this very first day of the year, it came to mind what do I sow?

I believe the bible is the inspired word of God. I believe it has everything in it for every one who will listen and apply it, to have the most amazing life. It is not just words and basic parables and psalms. It is inspired and relevant and true.

When dealing with people in our lives, family and friends and co-workers, what do we sow? There are so many posts on social media these days about how people treat you not being important, its only in how you ‘react’ to them. I think that is very true, but I also think it ignores the premise of responsibility. If you think that controlling your emotions is easy, raise your hand. Yep that’s what I thought. The philosophy books are filled with good meaning people from all the way back to through the ages, all giving their good advice for acting instead of reacting.

Here is a basic scenario, you work with a coworker who is less than ethical as you are. Every day you go into work and you try to deal with said person, and every day you are left angry and frustrated over this persons inability to take pride in their work. You are absolutely responsible for your actions and how you treat them. This is your chance to put on your grown person pants and inspire something in them. Be someone they can look up too and hopefully model after. This will be difficult, but it is nonetheless possible and important for your sanity as well as the company you work for.

What about a family member. Say you have a family member who is lying to you. Not anything big, very small insignificant things. And say you have known this person all your life, have a relationship with them and have worked hard to get them to trust you. One day you throw your hands up and declare it is the last straw. You are done with this person and you can no longer tolerate their disrespect for you and you cut them off. Sound familiar? Yep, it does to me too. So now what? Why did you do this? Why did you let this family member enrage you to the point that you are ready to shut the door on them? A friend once told me, if the actions of another hurt you, it is because you are invested in them. If someone can walk away from another person, and it is easy for them, they were never really invested. I am not talking about the friendships that seem to dwindle over the years, I am talking about the that’s it, its over, close the door and walk away situations.

Lying is a big no-no for most people so I am using this as an example. So here you are with your family member, significant other, any one you are close too, and you catch them in a lie. Do you feel the hurt? do you feel betrayal? You are invested. Does it depress you and make you feel bad and question the very relationship? You’re invested.

But the one thing to remember here, you do not have to own these feelings. They are the ones who have sowed them. Most people don’t understand this one simple principal. Its so plain and easy and it has and will continue to save me from the guilt and hurt I felt towards my self from the actions of other people. They sowed this. So I give myself full rights to feel badly. Its OK. This was sowed into my world, my relationship, and I had nothing to do with it. It was completely the choice of the other person. It was not my choice to be betrayed. It was not my choice to be hurt. And I have learned, when I stop asking myself why did this happen, what have I done to deserve it and what is my responsibility to these actions, I am a lot better off. It is no reflection on any of us who have ever been betrayed or lied too or done wrong. It was totally someone else’s handy work . And what I am feeling is a result of that sowing, because for every thing sowed, there shall be a harvest.

Its biblical principal. Its universal. Its unspoken cosmic knowledge, what you put out is what you get back. And it is perfectly OK to tell the person who did the sowing that they are responsible for your feeling badly and your response. Let them have it back. Give it all right back to them, don’t let it change you or anger you or create bitterness in your heart. Let them own it and put it on their shoulders. Tell them how you feel and why.

What if you can not tell that person? What if they have died or you no longer talk to them? Write it down. Get it out into the world and out of your system and release it. Don’t harbor it, don’t cling to it, just give it back, then forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong that caused the actions of others. In today’s society it seems people are self validated and so self absorbed that they tend to think the world and the people in it owe them something. There is no responsibility towards actions or words. The future generation seems to be about them and what makes them happy. There is no accountability and they thrive on making them selves happy with zero responsibility for whom ever they hurt. This is a huge pet peeve of mine.  I think people should return to virtues and values and strength of character and a nobility of personal pride and responsibility. But the world has its focus on self and unless these old fashioned values are taught at home, we will continue to see them disappear.

So what now? We have acknowledged and accepted that someone wronged us, we have forgiven ourselves for having no part in the choice or situation and given it back to them, now what? Now we forgive ourselves for being in the mess to start with. And we fill our heads with a constant barrage of positive reinforcement. We remind ourselves, we didn’t deserve it, and nothing we have done has aided to the person treating us this way. It was simply their own lack of character. We accept ourselves for the good person we still are, and we tell our hearts not to get angry, hard or let bitterness inside.

You see, I believe in this final step so much, that if we don’t release the negativity caused by someone else, then we, in turn, plant that in our own gardens. We being to sow into ourselves what someone else has projected into and onto us. Anger, bitterness, resentment, feelings of lowliness, depression, losing self worth and value. We begin to sow that into our own garden with the negative thoughts brought on from the actions of another.

This year, I plan on sowing only positive thoughts into my own garden. No longer will I allow the actions of a few people decide who I am and how I feel. The bible says I am a child of God, the daughter of a most high King, I am chosen! If there is no lying in me, no backstabbing and no strife, then I will accept none of these in my life. I will not sow someone else’s misery into my garden.

I will put on the whole armor of God. There is so much freedom to knowing about sowing and reaping. There is so much of life that is completely about sowing and reaping. If you do not like the turn out in your life, check your garden and see what you have been sowing.

For every one dealing with difficult relationships and family members, take it all to God and check your garden.

This is not to say that some people shouldn’t be removed from your life. Some times the damage they inflict is really more than the person can handle. But it is safer to say pray on every relationship and give it to God and let Him help you decide. This is in no way a suggestion that any form of abuse should be tolerated.

I hope the next year is full of positive and wonderful people in my life as well as in yours. But rest assured there is a Redeemer out there and all you have to do is read the directions and apply the principals and pray!

Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’

On Being A Mom

I have a story I would like to share. It is not a happy story, but it has a happy ending. It is a true story, that happened to my family, in my own words.

The story is about my sixteen year old daughter, who is an A plus student, active in many clubs and leadership programs in high school as well as a gymnast and cheerleader.

She is my fourth and last daughter at home. My first three daughters were born within 5 years and she was born when the third one was five. Now it isn’t that I am not close to my other three daughters, but this one has gone through the hardest part of the empty nester with me. She is the one I have gotten to spend the most one on one time with. The one I have gone through divorce and custody with, the one I have gone through my redefining moments with.

I am writing this story for me more than any thing. I have to get out all of these visions and toxic emotions of fear and dread and begin to heal and trust in my world again. Trust in my faith and my God that His protection is and will be forever over me and my children’s lives, regardless of circumstance.

My third daughter has just given birth to her first son. Our second Thanksgiving Day baby born to our family. I had gone to stay with her so she could finish her testing and finals in her RN Program in college.

I had started to feel very bad, body aches and chills so I had taken some cold medicine and gone to lay down. When Sarah walked into the bedroom to hand me the phone, she had a very scared look on her face.

I took the phone and said hello, It was Sidney’s Gymnastics coach calling to tell me she had fallen during her tumbles, Sidney was working on a back hand spring round off tuck, sounds very exciting, right? well she had fallen, on her head and face, and they had called an ambulance.

By this time I was out of bed and in the hallway and had seen my son in law standing there and said Ill be right there.

We got into the car and were there within 5 minutes.

When we got to the Wellness Center at the college, I tried to go through the entrance, but the bars were locked, I proceeded to walk over to the desk, when I heard a young man said, “yea she landed right on her head.” The man at the desk looked at me and I said simply, “I’m her mother.”

We walked through two exercise rooms. In my mind and in my vision, the rooms went on forever and I couldn’t seem to walk fast enough to get to the end of one room and into the other. There was a mist and haze from my peripheral vision and everything was muted and muffled.  There were sounds coming from the center and people still exercising and what not, but they were far far away in the distance. I felt the heat rising inside me, as we turned the last corner, I couldn’t see anything. no sign of my daughter anywhere as I scanned the room. Just then someone moved and I saw her body laying on a mat with her coach squatted over her, holding her head in his hands.

I felt the breath escape my chest and i heard my voice say “NO!” over and over.

I couldn’t get to her fast enough. I wanted to run to her and scoop her up in my arms and hold her. I don’t remember the next part but was told by two people that I collapsed on the floor next to her. I asked her if I could hold her hand and she quietly said, “don’t touch me momma.” She later told me that several coaches and instructors had told her not to move a muscle until the EMT could arrive and assess her.

She had blood on her teeth and mouth, and her nose had a cut across the top of it. She had red marks all over her face and she looked out of it. Her pupils were reactive, but her pupils were the only thing that was moving.

When I asked her questions she couldn’t even move her mouth. I didn’t realize she was in shock and she was very active and conscious when she fell.

She told me later, when I asked her if she remembered the accident that she knew while she was in the air that she wasn’t going to make the flip. She knew she was up high enough, but she got scared during the flip and her leg came out of position. She said I know what I did wrong and I know how to fix it next time.

Next time.

Next time.

I told all the coaches, there would definitely NOT be any next time.

The EMT arrived and began all of the medically necessary things that struck even more fear into my body.

As they asked her to move her feet, My breath stopped.

As they asked her to squeeze their hands, my breath stopped.

As a matter of fact, my breathing stopped several times that night.

So did my heart!

She passed all of the tests with flying colors.

But what I was seeing was horrible. As a mother it is our duty and responsibility to keep our children safe. I have always taken that responsibility very serious, even to the point of being considered over protective. it is a label I wear with pride.

It took two people to carefully move her to the bright orange board. They put her neck in a long hard plastic neck collar from her chin to her shoulders. They put two orange blocks on each side of her head and taped them across her face to hold her head stable.

They hoisted her onto the gurney and lifted it in the air to transport her. While this process was going on, the manager of the Wellness Center walked over to me and asked me if I could fill out an accident report….. “Um, Im kind of busy right now.” I politely gave the man my phone number and I was off.

We headed out into the night and they pushed levers and buttons and the gurney legs collapsed on the lip of the ambulance as they pushed my daughter into the back. It was quite impressive, they never bounced her or jolted her one bit to get all of these movements accomplished.

Onto the worst hospital in the area, we were put in the back room of the emergency room. A doctor walked over to us and asked my daughter if she was in pain, she replied yes and he quickly said, well if your back hurts, we should take this board out from under neath you. he ripped the tape off her face, threw the orange blocks on the floor and lifted the board up on one side with two hands and spilled her onto the hospital bed. I watched in horror as her body jolted and her head went sideways with the neck brace still on.

Four hours later, she was released from her neck brace and told she was fine and could go home.

There were no instructions of after care, pain or swelling or therapy. No helpful hints or tips as to what to expect after sustaining an injury so severe or painful.

My daughter is on day two now. Her inner lip looks infected from her teeth going through it and it is twice the size of normal. she hesitates to laugh for the pain and stiffness and talking is muffled. She has been on ibuprofen and has taken a few hot soak baths for pain and stiffness. She has a gash on the top of the bridge of her nose and how both her eyes have kept from being blackened I will never know.

I feel very blessed and thankful for all the family and friends who were by our side and helped us through this. The pictures of your child laying helpless on the ground and going through this, all the while wondering if she will ever walk again, what are the long term effects etc, are enormous.

I hate she ever went through this and I am so glad I was there with her. I hate as a mother I ever had to see this. I hate all the other mothers who have gone through even worse with more traumatic results and a worsened end to their own stories.

But I know one thing, I am a mother who is forever changed by the birth of all of these wonderful young women. They have taught me to grow up, face my fears and do it any ways. They have given me strength and courage and walked me through times in my life I never knew I could walk through. They have forever changed me and made me a better person.

With all the fear I had to face that day, today, two days later, my heart is not heavy. My heart is glad and joyous and at ease. My child is in her room sleeping off a nasty fall and healing. I made her oatmeal and put her back to bed. I am a mother and I know unconditional love. And I know the love of a child. I am blessed leaps and bounds by the birth and lives of all my children. I am thankful. I am joyful. I am a mother.

A great cup of Joe

Every one has their own opinion as to what makes the perfect cup of coffee.  At one time even my opinion was different from what it is today. 
But today I am sure I have stumbled onto “The Best” cup of coffee. 
My journey to coffee awareness began when I met Jamie Collins.  She and I met when we worked together and she and I, ironically enough were dating cousins.  Jamie herald from Washington,  the great state known for coffee.  She introduced me to a world beyond automatic drips and percolation. At one time I thought the “pour over ” method was only reserved for coffee shops and Starbucks. I am so glad I was wrong.  Now I want to share this method of coffee making with you all.  Just give this a try at home just once,  maybe twice and enjoy a full bodied cup of Joe. 
The first thing we need for our coffee is a tea pot. 


Fill it with tap or bottled water and turn it on.  While you are waiting on the steam,  get these other supplies toget



Coffee,  I found this on sale and it’s very yummy.  I also like dark Italian roast.  Get your pour over device.  I use a Melitta I ordered straight from the factory.  And put in your number 2 cone filter.  Put  over your cup and add the amount of coffee you pre



I have this two sided measurer, don’t know where I got it.  But I use a scoop from each side for my taste.  I like my coffee



So here we are,  coffee in filter and pouring the water over the coffee grounds.  Fill it to the top and let it seep through.  If the first fill doesn’t fill your cup add just enough water to top it off.  Now this is my favorite part.  Adding sugar and cream.  Now I prefer half and half.  It’s creamy goodness adds so much to t


he flavor. 

This is the best part.  Sugar in the raw. Turbinado sugar.  It has a wonderful caramel flavor that is worth trying the next time you


make coffee.  There is my finished creation.  So delicious and satisfying. Do yourself a favor and try a cup of pour over.  I used to drink a pot of coffee every morning, since I switched to the pour over method I only drink two cups.  Granted, it is a stronger,  bolder taste, but it is more enjoyable and satisfying  than automatic drip.  I can’t even stand the watered down version of the  beverage anymore.  Thanks for reading my blog on the art of pour over coffee.  And thanks to my good friend Jamie for introducing me to this wonderful brew.  We have now been toying with the idea of home roasting our own “black gold”. I’ll be sure to post a blog all about it if we do.  Continue reading

Another Season Evolution

When another season was beginning, and in all honesty it is still beginning, I thought I had a direction all planned out. DIY projects, decorating, cooking, home canning and everything about taking care of my family and most importantly my walk with God. Even today I am looking at blogs about decor and recipes and thinking there’s so much more. Please don’t let me offend or hurt anyone by my comments. I love all those blogs and posts that inspire me and put a smile on my face or teach me something But today, in the wake of the terrorist attack in Tennessee, and the Supreme Court ruling on same sex marriage and now so much discussion on gender neutrality, I want this blog to be different. I want this platform to be inspiring and educational and Godly. I have such passion for my faith and my country and for the human race. I want to first do no harm and lead by example.  I want my life to be honest and transparent as I share my journey of life and Jesus Christ. I want to be the good in the world. I want to help.
Aside from all my heartfelt desires I am not a pushover I know what I know and I know what I believe and I won’t back down. I have a voice and I’m not afraid to use it.


It is my sincerest desire God tempers my mouth and uses me to lead people to Him.  So we begin this unknown journey in another season of our lives .

A Bible Lesson

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”-1 Corinthians 15:33

I have been busy reading everything I can lately on this very subject. I found a great article at Bible.org, and really should copy and paste it because the author is spot on with this subject. But seeing as this is my blog and my walk, and my hope to help someone else in this situation, I will take on the task of writing it.

Last spring we got a frantic phone call from my fiance’s  20-year-old daughter that she had an argument with her sister and now had nowhere to live. I said come here until you get on your feet. Her father had just worked a 12 hour shift and I didn’t bother to wake him for his approval or opinion. A month later, my 14-year-old moved in with us full-time. The living arrangement with her father and his girlfriend proved to be abusive and more than she could handle, so she moved back home. By August, my mother also called me to come get her from my younger brothers house, where she had moved 4 months earlier, due to her and his wife having an argument and she decided to leave. In the blink of an eye, my fiance and my 2 bedroom home had turned into a home for every one finding their lives uprooted or at a crossroads. There were a lot of challenges with this new arrangement. A lot of struggles and fights and very bitter feelings on everyone’s behalf. And yet as my fiance and I began to spiral down the hole we had let others pull us into, it seemed there was no relief and no end in sight.

Eventually, and after much confrontation, his daughter moved out 9 months later. My mother also moved out 9 months later and by May of this year, we were finally back to a 3 person home. We Were making our own plans again and getting over the chaos of the past year when I got another phone call. It was my 23-year-old needing a place for her and my 2 and a half-year old grandson. She worked third shift and I told her I would keep him while she worked and while she slept. This arrangement also proved to be a bad decision. We also found ourselves at the brink of resentment and hateful words going back and forth.

I have been in bad health for the past year and have had one of three surgeries. The main reason I haven’t had the other two is really because our lives are so chaotic and crazy we can’t even begin to think of me not being here to cook, clean, and take care of someone elses needs. To say this has been a horrible year for us is to say the least negative thing I can about the whole situation. But I tell the background of this so I can begin with a solution.

“Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”-1 Corinthians 15:33.

By adding this scripture again, I am hopefully making a point. Even though my fiance and I are living in the same house, we have chosen to live for God. We have cancelled the wedding twice over our families and over just not being able to plan a wedding when you have so many people to take care of. Not to mention the surgeries. We have fallen off  going to church on Sundays and it is my 15-year-old who reminds me of this. Unfortunately when the family members moved in, we were not strong enough or diligent enough to keep their bad character or habits from affecting our lives. For this I am ashamed. As a Christian we should have held and kept the upper hand on our spirituality and our household to keep the drama and chaos from ever getting in here and disrupting our 3 lives.

Today I was faced with one of my children and her lack of respect for the rules in our household and for my fiance who now has the brunt of the finances and is the sole provider for our family. Until I have the surgery I am not able or allowed by a doctor to return to work for fear of permanent nerve damage.

By not standing up for me and by me not standing up for him, we have let each other down and done a great disservice to each other. We have left a trail of resentment and hurt feelings. It is and never will be right for the grown children of first marriages to come into a parents home and disrespect the partner they have chosen. And if this bad company the bible talks about turns out to be your children, or your parents, what do we do then? Who will take care of them when they hit hard times and life hands them lemons? Who will be there for them if their own parent wont?

First off, I want to say, I love my children more than life itself, but there has got to come a time when they are responsible for their own choices, whether good or bad, and they must live out the consequences of them. I can not fix their lives or their choices. And it isn’t fair to expect a fiance or even another spouse to fix those issues. Bad company should never be tolerated in any ones home. Bad company does more than just corrupt good character, it brings horrible things into the home.

It brings drama and strife and back-lashing and feuding and resentment. To me, these are mighty strong words, that all come with consequences. Chaos is never a good thing to live with. And sometimes we just need to end the chaos and drama and strife and nip it in the bud. But how do we do that in todays culture and society? Whether they were raised with silver spoons our not, no child should ever feel entitled to what the parents are working for. That is not how the world is set up and it is not acceptable behavior to expect someone else to make your way through life. It is not fair to foot the entire bill or to make your parents think they owe you something. If they raised you until eighteen, after that your are on your own. Don’t run home in your twenties when life gets hard and you’re living with your bad choices to blame your parents. It just doesn’t work that way.

Saying hateful things to inflict guilt and sadness is not how a grown up should act. And everyone at one time or another has yelled at their parents that they are grown and they will make their own decisions in spite of the advice of the parents. So live in your own home with your own choices. If any of this applies to any one facing going home with your parents, let me add this advice, if your being in your parents home again doesn’t ADD to their home, you are not doing it right. You should always expect to leave a place you have been a little better off when you leave. If you can’t say that about being with your parents under their roof, then you have a screwed up vision of your role in your family and on the planet.

Bad company corrupts good character. What kind of character will I have in the future? When faced with issues regarding my children and the man I have chosen to marry, how will I handle it? A whole lot different next time. If I had it all to do all over, everyone would get a house rules statement, they would read it, sign it and obey it or they would be given two weeks to vacate the property. Bad company disrupts good character. I have a minor child still at home. We are responsible for her life, her school, or well-being. Her room has been shared by four different people in one year. She has been put out of her room, her closet and her dresser. She has shared her things and lost her things. And none of this would have ever been an issue if we hadn’t opened our home to bad company. Now does this mean we will forever lock our doors to our family in times of need? Probably not. But it does mean things will never be handled this way again.

I find it so refreshing to find everything I need in the bible. It is such a relief to know that my Creator has given me instructions and life lessons to keep me out of trouble and harms way, if I just listen. Bad company corrupts good character, I never even knew this was in the bible. But as a Christian, it sets me free from guilt and worry over how my family will take my decisions on this matter should they ever arise again. Because deep in my heart, I know, if this is in the bible, God will make a way. The turmoil, anger and frustration will not stay. The resentment and hurt feeling will be mended. He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. And even though it is not a sin that I didn’t follow His word on this subject, He knew our hearts were pure when we put out our hands to help those in need regardless of how it turned out.

I hope this has helped someone going through the same thing. In fact that is the purpose of this blog, to help others. To inspire and encourage others going through similar situations in life and finding themselves in hopeless situations. I felt so hopeless and lost when I sat down to write this. But if bad company disrupts good character, than think of what good company does! Now I can aspire to be good company. Not saying I want nor will go through another year like we just had here, but it will be easier next time to submit the rules and reach a mutual understanding of how things work around here for us and our little home. Maybe we were brought through all of this to test us, to make us stronger and to overcome.  Bad company corrupts good character. Don’t allow bad company into your lives or your homes. God Bless


The Poem

3c15cc35ad612d4fa13110be90c57836      The smell. The feeling. The excitement. The crackle  it made when I first opened the cover. I sat and wondered where this gift  would take me. Oh the things I would see in my mind. The places I would travel. My mind was whirling with thoughts and hopes and wonder.

It was my seventh birthday and I had just received a book from one of my favorite Aunts and Uncles. It was A Childs Garden of Verses by Robert Louis Stevenson. This was my introduction into poetry.

I loved this book. I took this book with me everywhere I went. I read this book over and over. I studied it, I absorbed it. I learned it, and right now as I sit here forty years later, I can recite “Bed In Summer”.

I remember being very young and hearing ‘spring ahead, fall back’, and I would think to myself, that’s Bed In Summer! In winter I get up at night,… in summer quite the other way, I have to go to bed by day! I got it!  And I could relate to it! I had a voice! I was a part of the world in my very small space.

I think books are so much more capable of teaching children things than we could ever as parents try to explain. When a child can take a story, relate it to his or her own environment, then my friends, you have a deeper level of understanding.

I can remember how i felt, working things out in my head, and reasoning things. The business of growing up, when we are alone, at nap time or in a certain situation, when the child is processing a thought or idea. And when that child can develop and express with logic and understanding to their own environment!

Sometimes now when I look back on my childhood, I think of other ways I worked things out in my mind. And wonder if there were any opportunities that I missed along the way. Those aha moments were big for me. I was my own cheerleader folks!

Has there ever been a time when a birthday or holiday came around and you didn’t know what to get the electronically tech savvy child who has everything? Give him or her a book like this one, or any book. Turn off the computers, the ipods, the phones and the tablets, and have a reading night once a week. Youre not being mean i promise!!! Youre opening a whole new world to a small mind. A world of wonder and excitement and reasoning.

When I started college in my mid thirties, I wrote my first paper, and the professor used my very first college paper as the example which he wanted all papers in his class written! So no, im not just blowing my own horn! I didn’t do it myself! I did it with my aunt and uncle who bought me the first book at seven. I did it with my mother who always let me buy a book or go to the library. I had been developing a love of books ever since that is always evolving.

When I raised my children as a single mom we didn’t have cable. I just didn’t have the heart to tell them it was because we couldn’t afford it so instead I chose to tell them it was a choice.  And I collected classics for them.  And today I have a daughter with a bachelors in english on her way to get a masters who is also a three-time published poet. I have another daughter going to nursing school and when I read her papers and hear her writing voice grow and develop, it makes me so proud! maybe it was ok to be broke and I just didn’t know it?